Fear No More

Just had a good chat with Dad over tea break. I thought I'm a real grown up, since "i thought" I've gone through lots of ups and down during my years of growing up..yet, I'm just another crying baby when I start a conversation with my dad.

"Growing up is a challenge. There are always fears when we're facing a challenge. Often you keep pushing yourself, but the anxiety you experience leaves you depleted and feeling helpless at times. You will feel like running as fast as you can to the nearest exit". He said.

Which I thought, again, was very true. Often, I would find excuses to not do something that I'm not confident with, instead of facing it and learn from mistakes. And well, surely i guess, most people does.

I always have problems with:
1. Self confidence
2. Self improvement
3. DETERMINATION! ( which I had been thinking of making a tattoo on my body, oh well)

that i need to really overcome.

See, i just love my dad. He pisses me off whenever he starts raising his voice when I do mistake in something, i get annoyed and retort, thinking he's just being unfair.But somehow, its just something that I'm not good and really need to listen up and fix the problem. It end up being an ugly scar tattoo- ed right inside my heart. I learn.

I don't say I love him because of the scoldings and I learn something after having a fight with him. Of course other than he's my dad, he always make me have an after thought of the things he said. Like now, its almost midnight, but I'm still thinking of the advices he gave during tea breaks. Hmm. Inspirational. And useful.

He was the only one who could really inspire me about lifetime lesson.

Thanks Dad. Sorry for being such a spoilt brat at home>.<

Greatest Day

Today, IS SUCH A HAPPY DAY FOR ME!!!

I'm done with my exams!!!! woohoo~~ I've never been really happy that exam's over previously.. but today, after all the stress, and the efforts which i think was a lot more than my always slacking old self~ I finished my exams!!

I'm free for a month now:) And Jaden Smith is my new idol after watching karate kids, hehe~

cute little thing

That's all. Gonna make full use of my time watch movies, read my lovely novels, *never ending story*

Thats all peeps, Bye~

Desperation

I want my Piano....I can't study! Say I'm being silly. Say I'm a quitter. Say what -ever you want.

Back home when I'm always in a down mood, I'll just play the Piano for hours to relax..and I'll get the peace I needed and continue with what I'm supposed to do.

Now, I'm stressed out. Final's day after tomorrow. I feel like giving up my books and quit studies. I WANT MY PIANOOOO:(

Sleeping Disorder

Now lets see. Its 4.20a.m in the morning and I'm not even sleepy yet. As in, I'm tired but just couldn't fall asleep! Damn it! I F**king hate it when i get this stupid insomnia. Is this how God teach me a lesson by not applying something I've just read to real life??

So Weitian, Eve and I were chillexing at Starbucks, thinking we could do at least do some readings for finals(btw, final's next week!!). Well you know, of course we'll start lepak-ing at Bintang before starting revision. We were in a bookstore and I was just reading some health magazine that has a title GET SUFFICIENT SLEEP AND LOOSE 10 POUNDS and a healthy life in no time, some thing like that or whatever. There's a point saying "do not drink coffee or caffeine after 2.30pm as it will disturb a good and deep sleep, which affects concentration" and something that will disturb the metabolism and the body will automatically store fats around the waist, buttocks and thighs. I thought, make sense, take note.(For now, I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT and pay full concentration on my studies!)

5 minutes later, I was happily drinking my favourite Cafe Latte at Starbucks. See, usually my sleep doesnt get disturbed by drinking coffee at night, but, thunder strikes, look what happened now!

Frustrationsssssssssss.............................................................................

Lesson learned: Apply what you've read! BE obedient! Dont take things for granted!

UNderstanding MOther

Just a short story to share..


My mom only had one eye. I hated her... She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students & teachers to support the family. There was this one day during elementary school when my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.The next day at school one of my classmates said, 'EEEE, your mom only has one eye!'I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, 'If you're only going to make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?'


My mom did not respond... I didn't even stop to think for a second what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings. I wanted her out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard and got a chance to go abroad to study.Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own.I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my mother came to visit me. She hadn't seen me in years and she had not even met her grandchildren.When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled ather for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, 'How dare you come tomy house and scare my children!' GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!'And to this, my mother quietly answered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry I might have come to the wrong address and she disappeared out of sight.


One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to our old shack just out of curiosity.. Myneighbors said that my mother had died. I did not shed a single tear.They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have when she had come to visit me.


"My dearest son, I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the school reunion. But I may not be able to even getout of bed to see you or maybe see you again. I'm sorry that I was such a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with one of my eyes.With all my love to you, Your Mother.


Mothers, are the only reason that we are living in this world, to make friends, to share happiness, to shed tears with your loved ones, to live our lives to the fullness and never ending stories that we might not be able to experience if we never existed.

They only hope the best for us. I had my disobedient moments, where I shouted at mom, make her sad... but later on i realised, no matter how bad i screw things up, she was the one who stood beside me, supported me with all her heart silently. There are moments that you might be mad at your own mother, maybe for being bias to you compared to your siblings.. or maybe didnt give you what you wanted or.. what so ever..but as lives moves on, you'll realise.. how they actually loved us..

A Mother's love is something that no on can explain,

It is made of deep devotionand of sacrifice and pain,

It is endless and unselfish and enduring come

what may For nothing can destroy it or take that love away . . .

It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking,

And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking . . .

It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns,

And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest, brightest gems . . .

It is far beyond defining,it defies all explanation,

And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation . . .

A many splendoured miracleman cannot understand

And another wondrous evidence of God's tender guiding hand.

Helen Steiner Rice

Mom, Im sorry. And I love you.

Mama

She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free
Catching me in places that I knew I should'nt be
Every other day I crossed the line
I didn't mean to be so bad
I never thought you would become the friend I never had
Back then I didn't know why, Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love
Mama I love you.Mama I care
Mama I love you . Mama my friend.
You're my friend I didn't want to hear it then
but I'm not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you said and did was right for me
I had a lot of to think about,about the way I used to be
Never had a sense of my responsibility
Back then I didn't know why, Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes, all that you did was love
Mama, I love you. Mama, I care
Mama, I love you. Mama ,my friend.

Just, Happy Mother's Day and i love you with all my heart:)

Running Away

There are times when you get really frustrated with everything that you're in, you just felt like leaving to place almost you're gonna be treated invisible.. or maybe dissapearing into space or wat- so -ever and just chill and relax till you put yourself together..

Im so a hypocrite. YES, actually I am. Pretending to laugh so happily when actually i felt like just crawling up to my own bed, cry like a big baby for hours, for just that once. I loathe myself for being this paranoid bitch, but thats what im feeling right now.

So many things happened lately.. grandpa's sick, real sick he doenst know about it even.. I wonder when can i visit him.. or at least on time... the gap between me and my family had gone so wide before we could even notice it.. its just ... heart breaking.. and there are the work stress, I HATE IT!! muthafucka.

My luck had always been bad. Ugh. But then again , we should believe that bad things happen because thats the only way for us to remember how good is supposed to look like.. or do we actually learn our lesson from the previous?

Not for me..:(

Boring~

Strange huh for me to keep blogging these few days?
Lemme tell ya! This place is hell BORING!!!
Hee Im using the hotel computer to blog right now.. see? as free as you see:S not to mention the fact that we're not actually allowed to:P hah!
So many issues , so many attitudes, whether you like it or not; we've gotta face a deal with,is wat we learned during out short 2 months working time. Endless stories and dramas.

For me who works at AYS(At Your Service), our job is to pick up calls , the main controller of all the hotel informations. So when things got messed up, everything will go hairwire!! THe most frustrating thing is that when everybody is sooo stressed out with fussy guest and phone calls, stupid people with the lowest EQ on earth has to burst and spill her anger and frustration to the office by banging this and that, swear this and that!!!! WHich, TRUST ME, you'll feel like you've saved the last human sence in you and its time to rip this bitch's mouth and stranggle her to death. WHOO~ patience, patience.

Really pity Casper who thought that he'd finnaly get to work at AYS instead of bellman the last week. But unfortunately his luck doesnt stand on his side. He's standing at the bellman station rightnow counting minutes.

OHOH GTG. Update later

xoxo

SEE!!

Look, as I've always said.It wont be the same anymore. I don't know you no more.What else can i say? PLace your personal feelings behind, accept the fact that, when its gone, its gone.

You might not know what this crazy bitch here talking about.Hee.Sorry.Personal feelings, just leave it lah.

Toodles~